How Not To Be A Doormat
We all know that if you don't ask, you don't get. But when you learn to make a powerful ask or statement, then who knows what possibilities await.
As much as we might wish they would, people simply cannot not read our minds. The fact is, you have to make the ask & say the thing.
And one way to guarantee you endless frustration, is to be passive about it - or aggressive, if you like conflict, that is; or if you're going for 'completely miserable', then the passive-aggressive approach is a sure fire bet.
However, if you want to dramatically increase the chance of having your voice heard when you speak, you must practice being assertive.
Being assertive means you know how to communicate what you want in a clear and respectful manner. It means you are not afraid of speaking your mind & that you honour & respect yourself by expressing yourself in authentic and powerful ways.
Wise women are assertive communicators.
They are honest, direct, and skilled at articulating their views. So how can you feel more self-assured and confident when you speak?
It's easier than you probably think, you simply have to learn to use language a little differently.
And I have 3 tips for you, followed by a journal prompt to help you explore your communication challenges a little deeper.
- Eliminate apologetic phrases like
‘I’m sorry to bother you, but...’
‘Can I just ask...’
'Maybe it’s just me but…’
Instead, say:
‘Excuse me’
'I have a question’
'Personally speaking [insert opinion]..’
Skip the apologies & just get to the statement or request for a lot more impact. - Stop pleading your case.
Instead of starting a request with a “you” based statement, for example:
“You need to..."
"You made me...”
“You always...”
Practice using “I” based statements such as
"I’d prefer if you"
"I’d like you to"
"I don't have time."
This will help you more powerfully communicate your position, feelings & boundaries. - Use empathy. When you’re turning someone down or saying no, let them know you understand how it affects them.
“I know you are busy and stressed out and, I would love to help but now is not a good time for me”
Now, if this feels like it would be hard for you or makes you want to run for the hills, you might also need to learn how to self regulate. But that's something I'll cover in another post.
In the meantime, to better understand the power of being assertive, I want to encourage you to actually practice it in real life.
So, be brave - choose low risk situations as your practice ground, give it a try & let me know how it goes.
Amanda xx
Journal Prompt: Unleashing Your Assertive Voice
Reflect on a recent situation where you held back from expressing yourself assertively. What were the circumstances, and why do you think you chose not to communicate assertively?
Now, imagine replaying that scenario with assertive communication. Write down how the conversation would have unfolded differently. How might this assertive approach have influenced the outcome?
Finally, consider one small step you can take today to integrate more assertive communication into your interactions.
